lucymonster (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lucymonster) wrote2021-03-14 08:03 am
lucymonster) wrote2021-03-14 08:03 am
Entry tags:
the bats have left the bell tower, the victims have been bled
I had the most glorious recovery day yesterday. The reasons I needed recovery are not very interesting, and have less to do with external pressures than with my own eternally self-defeating conviction that this time, unlike every other time, I'll be able to should myself into having more energy than I do.
Anyway, I got the house to myself for most of the day, and I used the quiet time for a self-indulgent gothic wallow: I listened to Bauhaus and Dead Can Dance; I cracked out the Good black nailpolish with the nice matte finish, even though my nails are stubs and don't deserve it; I read The Mysteries of Udolpho, which I've never till now gotten past the first few chapters of, because Emily and her father spend the full first 80 pages weeping at the beauty of nature and the purity of their rural lifestyle. I've now made it through the soppiest part and the old man has died, which at least gives reason to Emily's constant weeping. I'm greatly looking forward to the 600 pages of melodramatic creepiness to follow.
I also finally signed up for May the 4th exchange! I'm annoyed with myself for letting it get away from me so long, because it's one of my favourite events of the year and I always hope to lure other people to my ships with an early signup. But the problem with consuming so much Star Wars is that I keep collecting more and more ships, and the letter-writing process gets more and more intensive, and with everything else that's been going on I kept pushing it back. I've squeaked in just under the signup deadline, and my assignment will be a complete surprise, because I've YOLO'd the fuck out of my offers. Usually I at least have a vague idea of the handful of ships I might match on. Can't wait to see what I get.
But most importantly, I've taken a drastic next step in the 2021 Lucy Stop Doomscrolling initiative: I've deleted almost all the time-sinks from my phone, and moved the survivors off my homescreen so I can't idly click them. I'm not banning myself from discord or meme or reddit, but if I want to use any of them, I have to set up my laptop and make a whole thing of it. No checking just because they're there. No taking my dopamine dispenser to the kitchen or the bathroom with me. No waking up, switching off my alarm, and getting straight online because it's right there in my hand.
I feel like a new woman today. It's like the crankiness and fatigue have melted right off. Udolpho has put me in the mood for the outdoors, but it's raining, and I haven't yet decided whether to brave it or to stay home in the nice cosy dry and bake cookies. Either way, it's nice to wake up feeling so calm, with nowhere specific I've promised to be and nothing specific I have to achieve. I should do this more often.
Anyway, I got the house to myself for most of the day, and I used the quiet time for a self-indulgent gothic wallow: I listened to Bauhaus and Dead Can Dance; I cracked out the Good black nailpolish with the nice matte finish, even though my nails are stubs and don't deserve it; I read The Mysteries of Udolpho, which I've never till now gotten past the first few chapters of, because Emily and her father spend the full first 80 pages weeping at the beauty of nature and the purity of their rural lifestyle. I've now made it through the soppiest part and the old man has died, which at least gives reason to Emily's constant weeping. I'm greatly looking forward to the 600 pages of melodramatic creepiness to follow.
I also finally signed up for May the 4th exchange! I'm annoyed with myself for letting it get away from me so long, because it's one of my favourite events of the year and I always hope to lure other people to my ships with an early signup. But the problem with consuming so much Star Wars is that I keep collecting more and more ships, and the letter-writing process gets more and more intensive, and with everything else that's been going on I kept pushing it back. I've squeaked in just under the signup deadline, and my assignment will be a complete surprise, because I've YOLO'd the fuck out of my offers. Usually I at least have a vague idea of the handful of ships I might match on. Can't wait to see what I get.
But most importantly, I've taken a drastic next step in the 2021 Lucy Stop Doomscrolling initiative: I've deleted almost all the time-sinks from my phone, and moved the survivors off my homescreen so I can't idly click them. I'm not banning myself from discord or meme or reddit, but if I want to use any of them, I have to set up my laptop and make a whole thing of it. No checking just because they're there. No taking my dopamine dispenser to the kitchen or the bathroom with me. No waking up, switching off my alarm, and getting straight online because it's right there in my hand.
I feel like a new woman today. It's like the crankiness and fatigue have melted right off. Udolpho has put me in the mood for the outdoors, but it's raining, and I haven't yet decided whether to brave it or to stay home in the nice cosy dry and bake cookies. Either way, it's nice to wake up feeling so calm, with nowhere specific I've promised to be and nothing specific I have to achieve. I should do this more often.
no subject
I will also be very interested to hear about the Emily's progress as she weeps her way across Europe!
no subject
Currently Emily is in the phase of her Gothic Heroine Journey where, having been orphaned, she goes to live with her emotionally abusive aunt. She actually backchats Madam Cheron quite a lot, which makes me like her more than all the weeping. (She also still weeps a lot, obviously. But it's easier to bear when weeping isn't her only emotional state.)
no subject
Also: weepy Emily backchats?? I had never heard this detail about The Mysteries of Udolpho before. Maybe someday I should read it after all...
no subject
Weepy Emily does indeed backchat. It's admittedly all very mild stuff - her best zingers are allalong the lines of 'How little do you know me, madam!' and 'How have I deserved these reproofs?' But it's such an uncommon relief and satisfaction to see a Virtuous Heroine verbally stand up for herself against the Evil Aunt's torrents of abuse that they feel sharper than they are.